Lead on, oh Kinky Turtle

so like me and andreas have been together for so long. four and a half years. and most of that has been online. like, think about that. almost half a decade and the bulk of it has been online.

but we have one of the healthiest, strongest, most loving relationships that either of us has seen among our friends. and like. 

he loves me. and more than that he he trusts me. we’re a thousand miles apart and he trusts that i’m not gonna fuck someone else or love someone else the same way that i love him.

and i trust him the same way. i know that he feels like i am the person who loves him more than anything, more deeply, and passionately than anyone else.

do you know what that feels like? to just go around all day knowing that your significant other knows how deep your love his, that they know how complete and whole your passion for them is?

it’s a really fucking special feeling.

knowing that he trusts me. that i don’t have to worry about what he’s doing and that i can have my own life outside of this relationship and outside of stressing out about what he’s doing. it’s near fucking magical. and i don’t ever want to take that for granted.

i don’t ever want to take him for granted.

because he’s so special.

he’s so fucking beautiful and wonderful and loving and sweet and passionate. and just amazing.

like, the love we make and the life we have.

it’s unfucking paralleled to anything else. i would not trade this for anything.

like, as hard as it is sometimes (and trust it gets really fucking hard sometimes) i would not trade this in for anything. Not even for being closer to him. because our relationship is the way it is for a reason. for whatever reason we need this distance right now in our lives. and god, i really wouldn’t give it up for anything.

and the love we have. the passion we have. the sex we have. the support we have between us.

it’s like nothing else. 

this is the person that i’ve decided is part of my life right now. and he’s made that decision too. and jesus fucking christ, there is no one else who understands me or supports me or loves me the way he does. jesus. god. i fucking love him. i am so fucking lucky.

i am so fucking lucky that the first real relationship in my life is one so powerful and important and healthy and amazing.

oh my god. i fucking love him.

i never thought that i’d ever be able to say that about anyone romantically, passionately, sexually. 

but i do.

i love him so much. in every way. oh my god oh fucking god, i love him so deeply that sometimes it hurts.

please, i beg anyone reading this don’t be afraid of this love if it hits you.

i know it’s scary.

i know it’s a lot.

but if you take it slow and let this person know you and let yourself know them it can be amazing.

don’t be scared.

i was terrified when i met him. because he was so good, so amazing, so much everything that i fucking wanted.

and i was afraid to have everything that i wanted.

and now i have it. and it’s amazing. don’t be afraid.

andreas.

andreas, baby.

i love you so much.

drunk and sober.

you are amazing.

you are so good to me.

god i fucking love you so much, darling.